Sexual selection arises from social interactions, and if social environments vary so too should sexual selection. For example, male-male competition often occurs either in the presence or in the absence of females, and such changes in the social environment could affect the form and strength of sexual selection. Here we examine how the presence of a female influences selection arising from male-male competition in a leaf-footed cactus bug, Narnia femorata, which has a resource defence mating system. Males compete for territories on cacti because females lay eggs on the cactus plants. Females are not always present when this competition first occurs; however, the presence or absence of the female matters. We found that both the form and strength of selection on male traits, those traits that influenced success in intrasexual competition, depended on the social context. When a female was not present, male size and the area of the sexually dimorphic hind legs was only marginally important to winning a contest. However, males with larger overall size and leg area were more likely to win in the presence of a female. There was also positive quadratic selection on these traits when a female was present with both the largest and the smallest males winning. The implication is unexpected alternative strategies when females are present. Our results support the notion that sexual selection should be studied under all relevant social contexts.