Biodiversity hotspots have been used extensively in setting conservation priorities for marine ecosystems. A recent Nature publication claims to have uncovered new latitudinal gradients in the evenness of reef communities and new reef hotspots based on functional diversity. Simulation models show that the purported evenness gradient is a mathematical inevitability of differences in species richness and detectability between vastly different marine ecosystems, namely ‘reefs’ in tropical, temperate, and polar regions. Constraints on evenness, along with disparity amongst communities in possible functional traits, cast doubt on the utility of global functional diversity comparisons for management of marine systems.